DandelionBoy has been doing a lot of painting lately, and I was inspired by my friend Nikole to do something interesting with his creations. A dear friend has been going through a very difficult time, so we made her this banner.
Tonight I’m prepping rectangles of fabric for a communal prayer flag crafting project at the annual Meadowfabulous campout this weekend. I look forward to sharing photos of how that turns out!
Dear world,
I’m still here.
I’m writing this [starting this] on my new and dearly beloved google phone at 3:30am while feeding my 2-month old. I just woke from a dream in which I gave an impassioned speech about social justice to an enormous audience and afterwards reconnected with many old friends and heroes. The dream leaves me bittersweet. Right now I’m more hopeful and full of ideas and inspiration than ever, but I’m also completely preoccupied most of each day with my beautiful baby. Thus this reminder to myself and anyone who’s still reading that I’m here. Eventually I will return and fix up this site and get back to writing.
I want to write about:
Of course, I can’t prioritize blogging or even writing right now. I limit non-baby tasks to a handful each day and I can’t put much above laundry and doctor appointments and maintaining a tenuous hold on my self and my closest friends and family. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Sage is doing great and I love him madly. But life is so radically different that I’m barely keeping up. I think this is the inevitable circumstance of new motherhood. It really hasn’t been long after all!
Today’s Skull-a-Day image is Thumper’s first ultrasound pic! Check it out.
On Saturday, I’ll be at the halfway point of my pregnancy. At 20 weeks, “your baby can hear sounds now, and it will cover its ears with its hands if a loud sound is made near you or move if it is startled.” Is that not the most adorable thing? Especially when you’re looking at a picture like this, it’s so cute to imagine little bitty hands clapping themselves over tiny ears. 6 inches long!!
We’ll find out Friday afternoon whether our baby is a girl or a boy, so the baby craziness is kind of taking over this week.
I had scrambled eggs for breakfast. They were veg-fed, free-range and organic, but they were still obviously not vegan. I’ve also been eating little bits of cheese here and there for weeks.
It all started a couple months ago. After more than five years of being completely vegan and loving it, I started thinking about cheese. It wasn’t quite a craving, but it slowly grew until one day in the grocery store my hand reached out all on its own and grasped a single serving of string cheese. I ate it very slowly in the car with a bizarre mixture of shame and relief, and ever since then I’ve been trying to figure out what to do.
When I first got pregnant, a few friends and family members expressed concern about my vegan diet. I did research and felt confident that I could stay vegan throughout my pregnancy. I still believe it’s completely possible to have a healthy vegan pregnancy. But it’s not easy. It takes a whole lot of beans and nuts and vegetables to add up to the 75g of protein a day recommended for pregnant women. Getting the right balance of amino acids is also a challenge because it requires such a variety of foods. Soy products are the only whole vegan proteins, and I’m not comfortable relying so heavily on them. I’ve been worried for a while about the possible risks of my high intake of soy (hormonal impact of isoflavones, high percentage GMO, etc.).
I’ve been eating some kind of protein with almost every meal and still I’ve been craving sugar, which is a sign that I may not be getting enough protein (or having a girl, if you listen to the old wives’ tales). I’m trying to listen to my body, and right now my body is saying that cheese and eggs in moderation are worth it.
I’m woefully conflicted about this backslide to vegetarianism. As with getting married, I’m making what feels like the right decision even though it goes against core personal beliefs. Veganism for me is more than just a political statement. It’s something that feels right deep in my heart and soul. Fundamentally, it’s about non-violence. It’s healthier, it’s better for the earth, and it means that no creature has to suffer for me to eat.
I can make justifications that the particular cheese and eggs I’m eating are (to the best of my knowledge) not products of factory farming. I can tell myself that at this point in my life — and especially in my baby’s life — it might very well be healthier not to be 100% vegan. But it’s still a major compromise. All I can do is take it one day at a time. Don’t expect to see me eating fettucini alfredo anytime soon.
You know how when there’s one big thing you can’t say, it’s hard to say anything else? That’s been me and this blog for almost three months now, ever since I found out I was pregnant. Yup, if all goes well, I’m gonna be a mom somewhere roundabout September 6.
Today we finally heard baby’s heartbeat. S/he was shy for a while and making us kind of nervous, but everything seems to be going just fine. That little thump-thump-thump was by far the best sound I’ve ever heard in my life. I pretty much feel like the luckiest person on the planet right now.
If my rhapsodizing is making you nervous, be assured that ballsy will not become a babyblog. If I start feeling compelled to share every little detail of pregnancy and mommyhood, I’ll create a new separate space for that. But at least now I’m not sitting on the most important thing in my headspace, so perhaps I’ll get back to posting more than once a month. :)
joriel